One thing at a time

As you may have seen on our Facebook page, I'm doing a challenge this week that addresses the "technology overload" we all face in this world of continuous information. This comes from the folks at WNYC's Note to Self podcast. I love that the challenge requires you to choose a goal -- a "filter" if you will -- for how you intend to face the barrage of incoming information you process via your phone, computer, tablet, or other "smart" device. After taking their online test, my goal was to become more creative. The other goal options are to become 1) more knowledgeable about a given subject, 2) more up-to-date on the news, 3) more in touch with family and friends, or 4) more in touch with yourself. And they each have emojis. For my goal, it's a person with rainbows shooting out of her eyeballs. Perfect.

So why am I interested in this? What does any of this have to do with parenting? A lot, actually.

Setting a goal helps you filter through loads of information to find the important things.

When I read the five goal options, I wanted to choose them all. But the folks at Note to Self have done their homework. We must make a choice. Part of the problem with information overload is that we want it all, we LOVE to get sucked down a rabbit hole (especially if it involves cute fuzzy rabbits getting massages). Ah, but I digress. See, if we don't set an intention for how we want to face the onslaught of information, we will be easily distracted by the pinging notifications, pop up boxes, and imbedded links that vie for our attention (sorry for that last one). And when our brain is overloaded from switching from one thing to another, it gets tired and becomes even MORE susceptible to distractions.

This is also true in how we filter all the parenting information we process. Parents come to me feeling overwhelmed because they want help improving their family life but they don't know where to begin. I recommend choosing one or two goals you want more than anything. Are you concerned about the level of sibling rivalry in your family? Are you worried that your child can't pay attention unless on an electronic device? Are you finding communication with your preteen daughter all but impossible? Is it a struggle to help your 2-year-old explore his independence in safe ways? Is your child acting withdrawn and you don't know why? Is the nighttime routine completely out of control? Has every interaction with your 7-year-old become a power struggle? By focusing solely on one or two of these areas, we can filter out all the unnecessary distractions in the parenting literature and devote our energies to the ones that matter.

Understanding how our brains work helps us understand how our children's brains work.

Our brains do not multitask, whether we believe it or not. When you are doing 2, 3, 4 tasks at the same time, you are merely switching your attention rapidly from one thing to another. I was reminded of my own tendency to believe in multitasking as I listened to Day 1 of the Note to Self Challenge on my iPhone while the TODAY show played in the background, I washed dishes, and watered the plants. The challenge: No multitasking today. Just do one thing at a time. Give each task your full attention. I turned everything off and just focused on the plants. Then, I finished listening to the podcast. Then, I made a list for the day and identified my goals. I wasn't perfect; I got distracted throughout the day. I wondered if driving counted as a task or whether I could also listen to a book at the same time (turns out: two separate tasks). But all in all, it helped me realize that I do better when I'm focused on one thing at a time. In fact, the more we multitask (or are interrupted at work by others or ourselves), the higher our stress level.

This is also true for our kids and their developing brains. The more we think we can multitask, the more we expect them to do the same. If we begin to model doing one. thing. at. a. time. we give them the freedom to do the same. The upside is that we are teaching them effective ways to focus attention. This happens at all ages. Is your infant coo-ing and engaged quietly on a blanket by herself? Leave her alone. Do not interrupt. Recognize that behavior as the beginning of attention. As your children get older, help them work their attention and focus muscles by encouraging independent play and removing distractions. We are our children's first distractors (devices are probably the second). Understanding and modeling the value of focusing on one thing at a time will set them up for success in school and life.

Doing one thing at a time allows us to think more deeply.

We are raising the next generation of technological natives. We've heard this before. But we are now beginning to learn the longer-term effects of living in a tech-heavy world. The good news? Our visual skills have improved during this time. The bad news? We are seeing more weaknesses in higher-order cognitive processing - or deep thinking (Greenfield, 2009). Specifically, these skills include critical thinking, imagination, reflection, and thoughtful analysis. When we practice the habit of doing one thing at a time and limit our distractions (especially those of the tech variety), we free ourselves to think deeply, to ponder, to wonder, to evaluate, to imagine. This cannot be accomplished with constant access to an electronic device or screen. Build those distraction-free times into your family's daily routine. The habits you nurture now will have ramifications for your children's developing brains.

Set a goal. Do one thing at a time. Think about it.